New American Export

Hiya, guys. It is nice to know that America's standing in the global economy is on the rise. I mean, something's on the rise because of America's latest export--my butt. So, I went out again last night for a pub crawl and then party at Escape (a local club off High Street). The crawl was nifty, and I was having such a great night, but then we got to the club, and within 30 minutes of dancing, I felt this hand grab onto my butt. Now, this was not just a light squeeze, and not just a little tap, but a full fledged "break me off a piece of that biscuit" ass grab. I turn around, and there is this guy from some other college (not Regent's, because we have something called class), and I gave him the death look. He gives me the "Come on" look, and then moves up face-to-face with me, reaches behind my back, and with both hands, locks himself onto my butt as if the Titanic is sinking and I have the only life raft left. That's right--my butt is a life raft. Also, two of his friends are there to kind of corner me. So, I am yelling, "Get off!" (which maybe, in retrospect, might not have been the best phrase to use)and finally, I have to literally pry this guy with his death grip off of me, and I shove him hard in the chest. He maybe didn't get the memo because he comes back for another helping, but since I'm not a gay buffet, I shove him back again and make my way into the center of some Regent's freshers. And, that was that. Didn't see those guys again, and everything was toasty. The end.